| untitled... |
[02 Jun 2009|03:47am] |
i wish the mirror bounces a better reflection
i should've filled my cup, let it even overflow
instead, the sand in my hourglass shifted to dances of shallow endeavors
two decades and seven years in the house of sins
it is time to escape, flee from the cage of gilded wire
be bold, be brazen
run to where the winds' direction blows
tear off the ink spattered pages
and author the story i want to be told
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| dear heart... |
[05 Apr 2009|05:46am] |
how does he do it?
he takes your breath away.
dear heart just smile,
maybe he'll look this way
the feeling grows
you know that it is real
dear heart is this love
that you really feel?
you showed your love,
but that scared him away
dear heart don't cry,
somehow you'll be okay
that's just what it is,
there's nothing left to do
dear heart be strong,
you'll be a better you
it might never be
but maybe you'll be friends
dear heart let go,
'coz this won't be the end
4/04/2009
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| bad night... |
[02 Jan 2009|12:12pm] |
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last night, i wanted to die. i'd rather not get into the pathetic details. there were tears and images of pulling the trigger involved. but i'm okay now or at least trying to be.
so yes, i'm still alive. i'll just have lunch with a friend later and maybe buy the purple onitsuka tiger sneakers in greenbelt. *a back tracked entry. i posted this in another blog of mine and totally forgot to put it here.
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| watch your words... |
[21 Nov 2008|10:10am] |
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i love it when people fall off of their high horses and get served a slice of humble pie. so make sure that the words you use are sweet...'coz you never know when you have to eat all of it back.
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| guilty pleasure #18563... |
[20 Oct 2008|02:03am] |
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she's funny, crass and blonde. what's not to like? sometimes watching chelsea lately is my day's highlight. i always get a good laugh everytime i watch her talk show. she may not be conan or leno but she is one witty chick. imagine hanging out with her in a bar, drinks in hand and she will have everybody cracking up. some funny shit from her 30-minute show... "This week Lindsay Lohan showed up to an event with her body spray-tanned but her feet and ankles lily-white. I can only assume the tan rubbed off while Samantha Ronson was holding her ankles in the air." "Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love's daughter, Frances Bean, turned 16 and celebrated by having a suicide-themed birthday party. That's like O.J.'s son having a lost sunglasses and glove-themed party."
"The school district in Harold, Texas, is allowing teachers to carry concealed weapons on campus, but while in the library they are required to use a silencer."
"Pamela Anderson is getting back together with Tommy Lee. This is a real slap in the face to Rick Solomon...His penis isn't even cold yet." who needs to pay a couple hundred bucks to go to a comedy bar when all you need to do is watch channel 21?! humor and sarcasm really belong together.
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| i think i may have posted this sometime ago... |
[19 Oct 2008|11:34am] |
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God help you if you are an ugly girl,
'Course too pretty is also your doom
Cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
For the prettiest girl in the room God help you if you are a phoenix
And you dare to rise up from the ash
A thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
While you are just flying past - 32 Flavors
Alana Davis
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| yes, im a nega-star... |
[17 Oct 2008|10:55pm] |
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thank goodness its the weekend. i wouldn't have survived another day in the office. whether i choose to deal with issues and people or not, in the end, all fingers point toward my direction. great. good thing i've got a good bunch of people in my class or else i would've drunk a glass of lysol-tini early on. i am sooo looking forward to finishing the season 1 of damages and getting drunk at a friend's party later. oh and yes, i bought a replacement for the lost phone. freaking thing burned a hole in my pocket. if only i didn't need it. if i was ever mean, cross, impatient or whatever to everyone...well more than the usual...it's not you. it's me. actually i take that back, its your fault. i wasn't in the mood to be a fucking people-pleasing doormat. and THE day is dreadfully approaching. fast. boy + girl = another reason to hate the week that was.
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| a mirror's reflection.. |
[12 Oct 2008|02:22pm] |
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brown eyes stare back with questions
fair skin marked with scars of battles
small pink lips with secrets untold
an image familiar but the truth unknown -10/13/2008
2:20 am
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| a new set of reasons... |
[11 Oct 2008|01:49am] |
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i cry... ...when i get a pat on the back for doing something well
...during happy moments
...when everything falls into place
...after i smack my head and realize that being such a worry wart is so stupid and silly
...when i'm pleased with what i have accomplished
...because i feel loved
...while laughing out loud
...when a new challenge excites me
...during times when i dont feel invisible
...when a simple greeting makes my day
...because i am happy
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| i cry because... |
[09 Oct 2008|09:57pm] |
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...i feel incompetent
...i let other people down and don't live up to their expectations
...others let me down and don't live up to my expectations
...i am sad
...it seems like i bit off more than i could chew
...other people have to clean up my mess
...problems arise and solutions seem to be nowhere
...words hurt more than physical blows
...i can't stop crying
...i need to stop being a whiny brat
...i have to grow up
...growing up is so hard to do
...i make the wrong decisions
...i just want to
...i can't be the one
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| working girl... |
[09 Oct 2008|12:27am] |
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tons of thing to do. tons more not done yet. deadline to finish everything in my checklist: a day and a half. its crunch time. pressure. haggard. "Let me know when your whole life goes up in smoke. Means it's time for a promotion." i can do this.
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| just a little something before i sleep for an hour and go back to the office... |
[08 Oct 2008|02:54am] |
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i spend a lot of time thinking, worrying and strategizing about work lately. then there is the actual job that i need to do plus the extra workload given to me. to think that with the stress and demands of what i do, the payroll department only converts 8 hours worth of effort to actual credits in my account. am i complaining? not actually. its just a random thought that entered my mind since i got out of the building at 10:30am earlier when my shift ended at 5am. loads of reports, edit requests, monitorings and e-mails. then i get home and still check my office inbox. so my life is work and my work is life. one word. help! but earlier, i had a smile plastered on my face the whole day. my friends know why. to bogs and the people from workforce who did the seat allocation, i love you guys to bits! in other news, i said sorry to the boy earlier today. no offense taken he said. but natch, he didn't even notice how cute my outfit was. men are so fucking oblivious at times.
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| uh oh... |
[05 Oct 2008|03:59am] |
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i need to apologize to someone tomorrow. in person. short story but let's not get into details. i said sorry in a text message but i believe the person deserves more than that. i don't know what to say. i don't know what to wear.
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| lost... |
[05 Oct 2008|03:05am] |
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i bought a new phone about two weeks ago. a nokia 3120. i could text, call, listen to music and take decent pictures with it. and the best thing was i bought it with money that i totally workedmy ass of for. yesterday, somewhere between megamall and our house, it got lost. it was a saturday and friends and i went to watering holde for drinks. we had fun, took loads and loads of pictures, especially since bevs and reimar won’t be with us anymore. after the bill was settled and everyone went their seperate ways, i decided to eat in mcdonalds and buy dvds. i probably took in too much alcohol and placed it in my jeans’ backpocket. not the best idea especially when you’re in a crowded place. so its gone. nothing i can really do about it. but the weird thing is, i am not that pissed or upset about what happened. the last messages i sent were to the boy. i asked if he really was with someone (office rumors, watercooler conversations) and that he just reject me if he doesn’t like me. after thinking about it, a lot of the messages i sent and stuff that i did with that phone did not reflect the best of who i am. i plotted schemes, said words, sent improper messages that would’ve made blair waldorf smile. the bad side of me was all over that little black device. maybe it was the universe’s way of telling me to stop and think about what i have done for the past weeks. i was more self-absorbed than usual. i judged other people harshly. i was rude and might’ve offended people. especially the boy. so now, i have to get a new phone, probably the same model but i’ll make sure that i won’t use it for my silly schemes, mean words and judgments. i lost a phone but i gained a sense of reality in return. without me knowing it, i just got served with a slice of humble pie. i got burned by all the evil and negativity of my own doing. but just like a phoenix, from the ashes, the gerald also rises.
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| failing on a friday… |
[05 Oct 2008|02:56am] |
the catch phrase of the old mtv diary show was “you think you know, but you have no idea”. people from the outside looking in do not see how hard any job could be unless they actually get to try it out. that was exactly what happened to me at work last friday. since the announcements of my seniors getting promoted and resigning, i’ve been the most vocal about getting the training coordinator post among my colleagues. on black and white, it seems like i am up to the challenge but everything changes once you ste into the kitchen. the title is training coordinator and i totally forgot to take note of the coordinator part. in the middle of handling my class, answering questions, making a good impression on the clients, calling my seniors, sending reports and e-mails and making decisions, i suddenly just cried. the stress and pressure caught up to me. it was my unofficial baptism of fire and i totally choked, barely passing the test. there is still so much to learn and so little time to do so. i still want it but the question is, will i ever be ready? they say that the proof of the pudding is in the eating and mine is still half-baked. i felt a bit disappointed with myself because i cracked with just a few responsibilities at hand. what if i do get it and i’d need to work on everything? i cannot just hide in a corner and bawl my eyes out when the going gets rough. i know that my nerves are not of steel and immature in many ways but the whole crying thing is not one of my proudest moments. it really is the time to grow up and get my game on.
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| superficial bitch... |
[22 Sep 2008|11:03pm] |
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please allow me to rant. i am starting to wrinkle. like a prune. a raisin. like a lola. yes, i have no qualms about being a matrona when i get older but to look like one at this age is plainly horrifying. i have to become a tai-tai first. you know, the type who only has dry martinis for lunch. i seriously need to save for creme de la mer. or surgery. yes i am as shallow as a soapdish most of the time. deal with it.
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| wtf?! |
[22 Sep 2008|10:51pm] |
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my job kept me off from blogging for a few months, been really really busy that all i do is work, eat, sleep. that is in no particular order and in different permutations. now that i got a bit of time to write and let people know that i still have some spare brain cells left to use, friendster blog suddenly looks like a piece of the rosetta stone. it took me like ten minutes to figure out how to post the entry below. as open as i am to change, sometimes i just want things exactly the way they are. remember how friendster started out? it was so basic even a 60 year old could figure out how to use it. now, it has widgets and applications and other stuff i have yet to figure out what they are for. i say blame facebook and all the poking that people do over there. for the record though, i do have a facebook account. and a multiply one. and yes you could call me an online networking loser. no offense taken. anyway, people of the earth, the point is, i am still alive. thank you very much.
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| pain doré amour |
[22 Sep 2008|10:31pm] |
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i had the biggest urge for french toast yesterday. with lots of butter and maple syrup. and a mimosa. i woud've made some but my body wasn't willing to get out of bed so i sms-ed everyone i knew to make me one. or at least buy some from bizu. i would've done anything for even a slice of those brioche ones. mary ann bought from pancake house...not exactly what i wanted but it was enough to satisfy my craving. eggy bread with butter and sticky sweet syrup is my idea of heaven. besides, i wasn't in the best position to be choosy. but im still thinking of the brioche french toasts in bizu. seems like i just set what i'm having for brunch for this weekend. hehehehe...
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| bold and brazen... |
[14 Sep 2008|04:50pm] |
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i've done a few things this past week that were a bit out of character. all because of someone. nothing's really come out of it...yet. am i expecting anything? maybe, i really am not sure. but the bottom line is, i made the first move. this is one game that somehow, for the first time, i took charge and leapt with my eyes closed. it is the start of the updated version of me.
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| on familiar ground... |
[26 Aug 2008|06:05pm] |
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i wish that i could say that i learn the lesson everytime i make mistakes. i've stumbled, got bruised and cried more than a few times in the past. but why does it seem like i'm about ready to commit an all too familiar mistake?
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